"The Horror Homemaker" theme song produced and performed by
Sonicatron Audio and Video Design - St. Louis, Mo.

Home Sweet Home  |  From the Kitchen  |  Cocktails Anyone? (additional volume is suggested)
About Carole Lanham

Attention Apron Aficionados Worldwide!!
The Horror Homemaker has put The Whisper Jar on her "must read" list and
thinks that you will want to put it there too!

You'll currently find The Whisper Jar at these fine booksellers

Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead...

The people of Highcross have found a handy way to lighten their hearts;
they whisper their secrets into an empty jar and screw the cap on tight.
Locked away on the dusty shelves of the Jar House, a town's worth of black
thoughts have been lined up in rows that become longer with the years.
When the jars are accidentally shattered, the streets are flooded with
everyone's darkest deeds. No one is safe.

In this collection of award-winning short stories, a dangerous friendship
forms around a love of books, a student learns more than she was ever
meant to learn in school, a boy struggles to deal with his sister's murderous
affections, and the door to a mysterious room unbolts to reveal a terrible truth.

Open The Whisper Jar with great care.
You just might find your own secrets hidden in there.

Sample Reading

Do you play hockey in an apron? Or cook possums? Or brew beer?
Have you ever shot anything while wearing an apron? If you answered yes
to any of these questions, we want to hear from you!
Just put "Apron Hall of Fame" in the subject line and send a photo to:


The path to God runs through darkness as well as light...
The Kindle version of the classic The Martyring by Pulitzer prize-nommed author
Thomas "Sully" Sullivan is now available from Crossroad Press. Click Here!
And don't miss Sully's beautiful foreword in Carole Lanham's new collection
of award-winning short stories, The Whisper Jar: Read his review at Amazon

Mike Norris: "Your Guide and Outfitter in the Hunt for Original Horror",
sports the Sweet Young Miss apron.
(Visit him at your own risk:) mcnorrisonline.com

The merry men of the O'Fallon Theatre Work's 2010 production of The Crucible.
Here to watch the highlights of that production on Youtube.
O' Fallon Theatre Works has been an active part of the community since 2001 and
performances are held at O'Fallon Municipal Centre, 100 North Main Street.
Look for their upcoming musical production of The Amazing Adventures of Dan Daredevil
in the spring of 2011!

Bartender Donna Morten models the "Discount Children's Haircuts" Apron.

A classic example of how washing some mummy's windows can get completely out of hand!
(And what in the name of all that is holy is that green thing anyway?)

Lisa is always ready to lend an extra hand when she dons her apron.

Here, Floridians Jana and Steve engage in a deadly discussion over
who has the sexiest apron.

Lovely Debbie of Anna Maria Island says:
“A tidy toxic waste dump is a safe toxic waste dump.”

Matthew Warner copycats one of his favorite TV shows.
Matthew's new horror novel, Blood Born, comes out in 2011.
The victim is his wife,
Deena Warner who will be illustrating the cover
(assuming she survived this photo shoot).

When the Krauskotf women of Maryland put their BBQ aprons on,
Dad knows to hurry it up or he might be next.

Captain Ed Hartung, sailing on Zig Zag out of Anna Maria Island
gives a blast on his conch shell to greet the sunset.
Check out Spice Sailing Charters at charters2.tripod.com
Right Here!

Pat Liston, Max Baker and Danny Liston of Mama's Pride demonstrate there's
no better way to stay neat and tidy during a scorching guitar solo than with
some horror homemaker aprons. Check out the Mama's Pride website...
Right Here!

Author Michael McCarty and bride share a
romantic apron moment. Say Hi at myspace or give this a gander... Horror Mall

Writer Melissa Yuan-Innes prepares hot dog casserole
Check out Piranhas, Pickle Joe, and Me a story based
on her husband’s dream about a friendly dill pickle
with the ability to swim. Better yet, visit her informative,
fun, and often very hilarious blog to hear all the
latest and learn more about where to find her work...

Right Here!

Visit David Wellington, author of Frostbite, at www.davidwellington.net

Author Suzanne Beecher whips up a batch of cupcakes.
Suzanne's popular free book sampler site receives over
one-third of a million hits a day. Hop over and take a look! dearreader.com,
then indulge yourselfwith suzanne's wonderful recipe
"Funeral Cake!" Mmmm.

Brewers Brian Owens (left) and Stu Burkemper prepare to
"mill in" malted barley for a batch of craft-brewed beer at the O'Fallon Brewery in O'Fallon, Missouri. Cheers!
Visit these friendly folks at their website www.ofallonbrewery.com

Laura Levine, author of the Jaine Austen comedy-mystery series,
stirs up trouble in her latest release, KILLER CRUISE - the eighth book
in this hilarious fun-filled series. A former sitcom writer for The Bob
Newhart Show, Laverne & Shirley, The Jeffersons, and The Love Boat,
and the advertising copywriter responsible for Count Chocula and
Frankenberry cereals, she has been a New York Times bestselling
author and winner of the Romantic Times award for Most Humorous
Mystery. When not writing mysteries, she contributes comedy
material to Garrison Keillor’s “A Prairie Home Companion.”

Creeping Hemlock Press editor Julia Sevin models the
"Walked Off a Cafe Job With This Apron" apron,
and little else. She's holding THIN THEM OUT, a collaborative
zombie chapbook by herself, husband and co-editor
RJ Sevin, and author Kim Paffenroth (see the "Symphony in
Plaid" apron). THIN THEM OUT and other genre delights
can be found at

Deanna Raybourn picks posion mushrooms in an evening gown
and Jimmy Choos wearing a Virgen de Guadalupe apron.

Author Kfir Luzzatto trusts nobody with the dusting of his
library. Seek him on the web at WWW.KFIR-L.COM or WWW.THEODYSSEYGENE.COM.
Photograph by Michal Luzzatto

Helping Hand Stew. Marge Ballif Simon freelances as a
writer/poet/illustrator for Strange Horizons, Flashquake, Sniplits,
Vestal Review
, and many others. She edits a column for the
HWA Newsletter, is the editor of Star Line, Digest
of the SF Poetry Association, and has published two prose
collections: Christina's World and Like Birds in the Rain.
She won the Bram Stoker for Best Poetry Collection.
A new collection, Unearthly Delights (self illustrated in color)
is forthcoming from Sam's Dot Publications, 2009.
Visit her at her website, www.margesimon.com
Photograph by daughter Melle Broaderick,
who is 10' tall.

The Flannery Family Reunion. Some aprons not suitable
as Personal Flotation Devices (PFDs).

Florida food critic, Terry O., models the
Cook's Day Off apron.

Author Leando S. Douds is shown here under the cherubic
tutelage of his grandaughter in full swing for the introduction of his latest political satire,
“Teed off at Wall Street…Oh hell, Teed off at the world,”
to be available later this year.

St. Louis based, Dennis E. Power, author of the
cult classic legend El Head, rides in from the
desert on his horse Donegal. Donegal has chosen the
Ah, Horse Hockey! apron for his Hall of Fame pose.

Singer, guitarist, and accordion player for Scythian,
Danylo Fedoryko
, rocks the house at Merlefest 2009
in the By The Time you Read This Apron, You Could Have
Gotten Me A Beer
apron. Here's what the Washington
Post has to say about the band: "Scythian's enthusiasm
is contagious, and shows seem to end with everyone dancing,
jumping around or hoisting glasses."
Check out Scythian at scythianmusic.com

Ollabelle gets cookin! From left to right, the male members
of the band: Glenn Patscha, Tony Leone, and Byron Isaacs wearing
the Dobro Means Good In Any Language apron. Named for rural
songstress Ola Belle Reed, the band brought sunshine and joy
to the masses at Merlefest this year. Find out where they
will be appearing next at ollabelle.net

Whitedog performs his own act for the Merlefest
crowd in the My Other Apron is a Thong apron.

We help you see the world! Palm Beach Gardens Travel Leaders
from left to right: Chris Chase in a London hat and London Calling apron, Beverly Kelly in a Mexican Sombrero and Tibetan apron, lovely lass Kelly Chase in a Scottish tam and Welsh apron, Arline
in a China Emperor's hat and a Holland America's
Culinary School
apron, and Don Kiselewski (collector of amazing
hats from around the globe) in a Thailand hat and Mexican apron.
Come and see why they say "We help you see the world!"
at travelleaders.com

Here's a candid shot** of fictionist Camille Alexa in her
antique linen Edwardian pinafore apron, nipping down to
the servants' quarters to indulge in a rather special
afternoon cocktail.
To learn more about Camille, her book Push of the Sky
or the cutting edge of Cozypunk, visit her website:
**No pocket watches were harmed in the making of this photo.

Julie Fairlane models the Rock Steady Skull Hostess apron
for BabygirlBoutique. Where else can a girl go to find
a clock made of pink dice?

Model Cassy Wanda models the Lime Dorothy apron
for Carolyn's Kitchen. This delicious apron can be
yours Right Now! See Cassie's yummy recipe for
Vegan Chocolate Mousse Cupcakes In the Kitchen. Photo by Ama Lea. Make-up and Hair by
Tiffany Mitchell of Pin-ups Hair Design Team.

Girly Aprons dresses things up in the Pink Floral Bliss Bib
apron and offers this sound bit of advice for the novice user:
When it comes to cooking or any trade, you know the tools
and the right ingredients mean everything. The same is true
for aprons. Take a peak at their beautiful Retro Hostess Aprons today!

Pulitzer Prize-nommed author Thomas "Sully" Sullivan, prepares his Hell's Kitchen specialty "Pseudo Chicken"
(also known as "swan-burger") acquired
from the local rare bird sanctuary near his home
in Minnesota. More info on his web site at www.thomassullivanauthor.com
where you can get free Sullygrams, or follow him on Twitter. And if you're hungry, swing by the Kitchen Page where he's preparing his recipe,"Shrimp Sully Red".

Gothic Portal offers us the Yellow Apron apron, along
with a deep and varied portal dedicated to gothic
subculture, gothic fashion, gothic poems, music,
dating, tourism, and goths culture. Learn more at:
Gothic Portal

While modeling his homemade "Apron of the Abattoir,"
horror author Michael Arnzen also shows off his favorite
"cooking" implements.
This image is taken from the photo shoot for his chapbook,
Michael Arnzen Dying: With No Apologies
To Martha Stewart.

The photographer is unknown. And still missing.

Author Sidney Williams enjoys cooking with his wife, Christine.
Sid is modeling a "Cooking With Music" apron.
Check out Sid at his Homepage at Sid is Alive
or Fear on Demand.

Swimmer and two time Junior National Qualifier, Abby Hempen, reveals the secret to her record setting times: the Swim Faster apron
(which attracts a special kind of motivation).

At Jeannette Kralemann's dinner parties,
there's always room for another head. Jeannette favors
the I've Got A Bone To Pick With You apron when
hostessing one of her lively events.

The Everything is Better With Government Cheese
apron, in action with elementary school principal
Geri Buss of O'Fallon MO.

Nothing says I love America like meat!
Gary Kralemann of Carlyle Illinois hams
it up in the I Pledge Allegiance to Pork apron.

Los Angeles-based actor/artist George Kralemann
(shown here in in the Muliti-Tasker 2000 apron)
offers the Horror Homemaker tips on
how to get the job done.

Certified Pastry Chef, Diane Di Tomasso of
Redono Beach California, whips up a special pie in the
Take It or Leave It apron.

Jeanie Thies strikes a pose in Ernest Hemingway's childhood home in Oak Park Illinois.
The E.H. Apron hangs in the kitchen there.

Desert Steve's Kitchen - Desert Steve of Olancha, CA.
favors theYou Kill em, We Grill em apron when tidying
up around the place.

Carolyn West of Carolyn's Kitchen Retro Aprons offers up this tasty apron for your viewing pleasure. Visit her website for much much more at: Carolynskitchenonline.com

Public speaker and presidential library curator,
Rhonda Phillips of St. Louis, Mo., models the Modern
Young Democrats for JFK
apron between her weekly
Presidential Dishes tours.

Canadian author, Leslie Brown, models the
"Pot Spirits" apron. Visit Leslie's website at

Mike Norris: "Your Guide and Outfitter in the Hunt for Original Horror", sports the Sweet Young Miss apron. Look for his website release by late 2009.

St. Louis based author Curt Hoffmeister shows us how to serve up the "biscuits" while sporting his Wolfgang Puck apron.

Midwest author and Lindenwood University professor,
Dr. Jeanie Thies, shows off the Nicolas Caged apron.

Chris Lanham, shown here in the Better Things, For Better Living, Through Chemistry apron, won a 2003 Best In Class” TAM Award for his article "Making a Great Gumbo":When specifying thermal Components, it is important to take a systems approach.

Artist, Author and Grillmaster Mark Baer of Waterloo, Illinois BBQs a little tenderloin at the neighborhood block party. Everyone agrees, this apron is "just right."

Dr. Kim Paffenroth, Associate Professor of Religious Studies and author of apocalyptic zombie horror, adds spice to his Bram Stoker Award while modeling the Symphony in Plaid apron. Check out his blog,
"Gospel of the Living Dead"

Web Designer and Photogapher, Dave Rush of
St. Charles, Mo., goes pycho in the
Anthony Perkins apron.


Home Sweet Home  |  About the Wife  |  From the Kitchen  |  Cocktails Anyone? (additional volume is suggested)
About Carole Lanham

"The Horror Homemaker" Theme produced and performed by
Sonicatron Audio and Video Design - St. Louis, Mo.

Site design and development by Krape Park Web Design